New Year....Old Problems....

Its a new year but things are still the same as last year. I feel like i screwed everything with some people and i dont know naymore. Things have gotten so complicated. I play everything off like nothing fazed me but really I feel like im dying just a lil bit more everyday. I put on this fake face just so that no one can tell what is really going on behind these blue eyes. If you could see the images that they have seen you would be afraid. If you you cold read all the stories my heart and mind have been through you would be scared. There are time I just wanted it to all end. If i just kept this wall up in my heart nothing would of happened and I would never of become the person i am. Why did this have to happen? What you did to me was unforgivable and everytime i see your face i want to hurt you so badly that you just might feel the pain I was put through. You took my innonce away from me even though I allowed it, you should of known better. Too much crap happened the last two months of 2009 and they followed me into the new year. I just want high school to end so that i wont have to deal with you or that fat, ugly, bitch you call a person. Im not even sure shes a girl. She pisses me off so much im to my breaking point. I have everything bottled up in my body one little thing is bound to set me off. I swear most of it is because of you and she contributed to the other half. I just want to break down some days but I cant show weakness. Im so afraid, pissed, lonely, broken, and wasted I feel everything about me now is just my pokerface. I wish i could tell someone anything but im afraid that if i tell the whole truth they wouldnt look at me the same way, never talk to me again, and think of me in a way thats not good. I WANT TO GO BACK AND CHANG EVERYTHING BEFORE THEY GOT OUTA CONTROL. The pain is getting so much to bare.